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Grounded planesAs I stand here, feeling the weight of my hair increase and slump on my shoulders with water leaking down the curve of my back, I think of you, kneeling in the bedroom, forehead on the dirty carpet of lies, betrayal and doubt. Power lines and coral reefs separate us, a torturous wait for something that we hope alleviates us.
As I put on the headphones and make my choice against the voices of the world, I remember your crying, your painful sobs of apologies and promises I still believe you will one day fulfill. I clutch at my chest and wish that I could take a heartbeat and send it your way. Maybe you'll hear me...maybe I'll feel you. Ripped envelopes, healing scars and passionate thoughts connect us, a desire we will one day share.
Tonight I dance with streetlights in fine rain and I smile. Tonight, you stare out at misty roads and mountains with glass alone keeping you locked in.
Tomorrow I sing to ink cartridges and faded paper. You'll hold pillows and shuddered breaths that feel l
Divorce lawyers are yoursI am getting used to lying on rooftops that look like ripples, counting tears from clouds that hide behind a night mask of their own. I used to count them, remember every drop between my fingers but now they splatter like alcohol, drowsy medication and lies. I slide pieces of love notes and unsent letters under the plastic on the dining table, hoping one day you'll sit there and notice it under your routine glass of Jack Daniels.
Every morning I wake up to dirty teacups and half eaten pancakes, empty hammocks and closed doors. When will you be home again? When will you actually look at me rather than the stain my shadow makes on your bathroom door. And think of the fact that we can't even stand back to bare back anymore. Think of how our fingers can't stay intertwined for more than a few seconds. And then ask yourself why I beg for the same things every minute you aren't engrossed in the next lie you'll spit on my face.
I'm accustomed to sitting on dirt and weeds, kissing stigmas and b
Empty flower potsIt's like we're tossing rocks to count ripples, plucking petals to collect pollen and burning paper hearts to make starry flames. It's like I'm provoking your anger just to hear your voice in frustration, covering my lips so you don't hear the way I seem to liquidize even in the cold. It's a lot like love, darling, but we're fools, we're far fetched and we're ridiculous and I never wanna hear you say you love me.
Because you don't know, and I don't know and no one knows!! No one knows that you spend days looking at my picture, playing with your hair, tangling your fingers until there are knots and you laugh at the way you pull,pull,pull and can't get me out of your head.
No one knows that I stand in the rain, laughing, collecting droplets on my tongue, whispering your name and watching it write itself on my window. No one knows that sometimes I say "I'm beautiful" and they'll never hear "because of you". Everything goes from complex to simple, hot to cool, chaotic to clear b
A letter for a stareDear guy at table 3,
We ordered the same latte chillers two days ago, yesterday and today as I'm writing this. I can't stop looking at you, with your purple headphones peeking out from your pin straight, bronze hair. Your stares intrigue me because I wonder, are you challenging me? Bad choice because evidently, I will stare back even after you look away. I like the way you scribble your words across the napkins you sneak under your cup from the baskets and stick them into your pocket before anyone [but me] sees.
I wonder, do you keep them? What are you writing that's so different? 'Walk with paper maybe next time' they'd say but I think its interesting.
I'm still looking at you by the way. You're probably thinking I'm a weird girl who thinks you're cute or something. Truth be told, your eyes are pulling me in. For the past two days they looked different. I find myself smiling when you're singing along to your music and thinking no one can hear you.
Well, this napkin is getting full so
I'm just yoursI have a page full of "I love you's"
and empty jewelry boxes
made of broken sea shells
and glued- together verses
from Gibran poetry.
I only hope every night
that one day it would be enough
to prove to you that inside,
and the surface is vulnerable.
I have heartbeats on cassettes
and dreams in glass jars,
because I like to listen to the days
I think of you.
You make me visualize sunlit tea
and wheat fields that match your hair.
You give me stomach churning,
And I am just a girl,
lying on the wrong side of the bed,
counting imaginary stars,
kissing warm winds and
collecting piano keys.
I'm just the girl who blows words
to you on Pacific winds,
who wakes up in the middle of the night
just to call your name
And who has found a simple glimmer
in the fog of life.
Wait for hurtEverything feels grey,
with a golden tint,
the first two months maybe.
I hate looking back,
wondering if mistakes
were written on our mirrors
while we ignored them
to think of plane tickets and sex.
It's hard to imagine
not being yours,
you not belonging to me
because I'd never truly
be any one else's
and that's not fair.
And when I'm lying
on the cold floor
and you're singing
"put me in your warm arms"
I wonder if you're talking about me
It's starting to hurt darling,
and you're not trying enough
to make up your mind
whether you're holding on
or letting me let go.
It's starting to hurt, darling...
CarefreeThey think I'm angry,
and I'm made up of sharpened
words and a blade tongue
before they could touch me
and see that they just go right
Because I'm transparent.
I like knowing that you see
-nothing- when you look into my eyes;
just endless whirls
and passing bullets
with echoing voices
from inside my lungs.
And you never really cared to fight
and pursue my thoughts.
You just stood there with your arms out
as though I'd reach down my throat
and hand you -anything- shiny
and worth -something-.
But I exhale dreams for breakfast
and swallow lies for dinner
and you're always smiling;
because you know I'm worse
andardrattur vinduriYou're the kind of person the world calls a diamond. Unique, precious, hard to find. But to me I only see you as multifaceted, hard and hidden. And you know exactly how to play me until I'm begging for you as though my heart will crumble in my palms if you don't touch me or whisper bitter somethings in my ear. And sometimes I want to say I hate you, but you found my weaknesses and you know just how to use them. One day, I'll get stronger. One day you'll be begging me instead.
once in november i flew into the black earth where you came from and back. i wasn't back til december and when i was i could still feel the shadow touch of the deep crypts where you grew on the back of my hand. with your diamondskin you pierced me, but when i looked for where you entered there were no markings. it was like you were never there. i didn't know how to feel but i swear it was like crystal and diamonds and cold. i knew you would never be my ghost, silently trailing behind me and begging. you wer
Complete your sentencesThere's a need to inhale.
My tongue likes to explore the words
I glue to the roof of my mouth
while you're droning on and on
about sex and nature
and I'm lying back, twirling my hair
watching as the cotton falls onto my shoulders
postponing the moment I say
"I have something to say".
And I take every memory I thought
I had buried deep enough
and I glue it together in the long silences
just to wake in the morning
and cry about your lies
and the fading trust I can't admit.
Because I'm obsessive
when I'm afraid of getting hurt
and I like to know what will scar me
I'm nervous and trembling,
and maybe it's the coffee
or maybe it's the little things
that you say don't matter and you throw away.
There's a need to inhale.
Because I'm forgetting how to speak
and how to feel
when I'm being weighed by the mass
of doubts you've told me to ignore.
There's a need to exhale.
Because I've been holding my breath
for the answers.
[i won't get]
IllusionsI witness the rain coming down
But it doesn't caress my face
I no longer feel your arms
As I'm wrapped in your embrace
I know the path is ahead of me
My feet don't touch the ground
I can't dance to the music
Because I don't hear any sound
I want to take flight without wings
Hear you call but it's not my name
I want to play this thing called life
But I don't understand the game
I know the sun is rising in the sky
My world is becoming black
I know you are trying to help
I merely experience you attack
I perceive the follower's gaze
But no one's watching me
I assume the abandoned kiss
Yet you hold me fearfully
All of my productive thoughts ricochet
I feel pain like the end in near
Why do I aquire these illusions,
When I have nothing to fear?
EffigyI guess you'll never know quite why my vision fogs
When you leave me in the mist of your prescence;
Reaching for your fairytale-fingertips
And make believe morning kisses because, not like,
because they're the only bit of warmth I get after my sweaters left me.
You'll never know why I stare at your pictures
So much so that my mind has been chisled into an effigy of you;
Each curve melding gently into the next
Until your shilouette acquires the likeness of a well
Filled with quarters to the point that there's no room to wish
And the water runs through rusted pipes
Out leaky faucets located near the corners of my eyes.
But... if it's one thing I do right for the rest of my life...
I'll make damned sure that you know I love you.
we don't sound like a whisper.The sun never sets over the water, but you still take me there whenever dusk comes to meet the horizon. We sit out on the rocks with me tucked tight against your chest, while you count stars like other people count blessings, but we're only half lucky with all these city lights ruining your chances. I know you're tired, love, but I'm terrified. I'm running out of ways to stop myself from telling you I miss you because twenty four hours isn't a long time to be separated and I'm really just more afraid of what you're doing when I'm not there -- and of what you're thinking when I am. I've been burnt enough times before to learn that loving with only half your heart will save you from the fire, but I know that's not what I'm doing here. I don't want you to be a mistake worth making. I want this to be real this time.
I keep playing out all the ways you could hurt me in my head, not because I think you will, but because it'll sting less if it actually happens. I've learned to prepare myself
LiquidizedSomeone closed the door
and the key-hole shaped light fell on us,
where our hands lay, barren and cold
and too many inches away from each other.
Someone unplugged your eyes
and I heard the creak of my lungs collapsing.
Maybe it's my fault I didn't notice
all the symptoms;
my desert tongue and your quaking lips
barely making a melody.
Maybe it's your fault you didn't blame me
So we're perched on the sharp side of the knife
waiting for the verdict allowed.
Asphalt cakes my cheek
and I wait for your breath to wake me
but you won't speak.
Neither could I.
tell me a lie and i'll still love you.fingertips lace around ribs
and dance along fragile arms
enough to be felt but not to break.
every touch is a gentle lie that says i love you.
sinking through layers of skin, muscle
and striking the bone with a cold pleasure
that clasps around your heart.
heart beats ebb, along with movement and time.
breaking away isn't an option,
maybe it never was... maybe it never will be.
take control of trembling hands,
hold them tight and hold them still.
send those tremors internally bound,
and turn them into butterflies.
then fight against the abdominal pull.
fight against flying away.
and falling apart.
unknown.Lightning passes through my fingertips down your spine. We breathe it all in and exhale smiles because it's what we're good at. We'll hide in the golden sky of sunset and run [where the day meets the night]. You make me shake, you make me calm, you make my heart smile. You make me break habits and form new ones [but I like that]. There's a cold patch of skin in the center of my palm-hold it against you and set me on fire; make me move, send the summer [kill the icebergs]. Little by little, you're bringing me back up in the clouds, suspended above the trees. You're the only one who makes me burst into [happy] tears [p.s. it's new and I like you]. Will me to drive faster-the green lights will freeze and we'll never stop moving [push me, pull me, kiss me]. Grapevine fires eat up the trees along the road's sides [the path is twisting through the dunes-quick, or we'll burn]. Rip out the pages, drive too fast, run too far, laugh too much [miss you too much]. I don't care if they hate me-it's
Bitten Fingernails + InsomniaMy name's Carissa Mattox, and I am bitten fingernails and sleepless nights; a bad habit no one wants to keep.
I take after my father too much for anyone's good, and I'm a dreamer cursed with a rationalist's mind. I'm a people person who doesn't like people and an oxymoron wrapped inside pretty metaphors. I have too much empathy but pretend to have too little, and I'm guarded too heavily, but I'd kill to have anyone see past my façade, if only for a minute.
I say I don't believe in love, but only because it's what I want more than anything. I'm a sickness with no cure and a heart without a beat. I want someone to understand me, but I'd never wish that curse upon anyone. I hate not knowing things, and I wish I knew everything. I'm afraid of being jaded, and I hate my handwriting but I refuse to even attempt to change it because I think, "If I change this, what's next?"
I love music but I bend the lyrics o fit my life better. I know I have good qualities, but I just can't seem
Ambivalenceit seems that I have lost
dripping corduroy blue:
a glass of condescension
and I'll deny everything you've
somewhere between the pastry paint
and the religious
beads of sweat
from your lips to your navel
I've trapped myself
in a cage I lost the keys to.
this is where insanity begins:
too much attention
wasted on the wallpaper
and hours spent meeting anything
but your eyes.
as i'm cradled in the circulation
within alcoholic corks
and blue headlights
your voice tapping at my senses,
your lips replacing mine.
the secret is that I cannot do enough screaming
to drown you out
and I can't be quiet enough
to let you walk away.
SlickI drew a portrait of us;
We were dripping and bony
Like flowers left to a grey rain.
I was muttering with chapped lips
About nothing in particular
But you knew exactly what I meant
When I tucked all my fingers in and shuddered a ghost.
I was hungry and naked
Save my twice-a-virgin flesh.
You offered me your neck
I accepted with an eager blush in my cheeks and lost myself in your freckled shoulders.
You were warm compared to the ghosts I had slept with
(under red sheets on nights filled with nonsense vocalism-
shivering and imagining the burning city of which she sings)
Soft as a scream, I touched you and
My back bent forward as if trying to manifest wings-
Such wings as an angel would have
If any angel existed outside of you.
You made sounds like you were dying, drowning, and laughing
"I love you too"
So I said, and looked at your face
In the eyes of a dreamer, resplendent
Your arms locked around me and I began to sway-
Nature had positioned us like lovers,
Looking backThese are the times when I want you here;
-to remind me of all the wrong words hanging from the roof of my mouth
-to hold me around the waist and squeeze until I stop choking on the mistakes
-to kiss me and say that's what insanity is supposed to feel like; beautiful.
-to show me that the world is still spinning slow enough for me to take a breath of life.
-to tell me I'm the one thing you don't regret.
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